By Kylie Kiunguyu, This Is Africa, 2017-07-26
Heterosexual South African women are the least sexually satisfied in the world according to the Victoria Milan dating website. According to the survey, the overwhelming majority of South Africans were having sex less than once or twice a week.
A study conducted by Victoria Milan; a dating website; found that men in countries such as Denmark spent 44 minutes ensuring that their women are satisfied in the bedroom in every way whereas South African men spent a mere 15 minutes for sexual intercourse, a whole 4 minutes lower than the world average, The Sun reports.
The top five most sexually satisfied women in the world are from Denmark, the USA, Finland, Canada and Sweden.
Founder and CEO of Victoria Milan, Sigurd Vedal, claimed the hottest and hardest working husbands feel responsible for ensuring their wife is kept sexually satisfied. She said: “It takes a real man to recognize and satisfy the sexual appetite of a woman. A common mistake is thinking that men aren’t sexually satisfied and will stray – it actually works both ways. Keeping a confident, beautiful and independent woman exclusively in your bed is no easy task, and hero husbands will put as much time as it takes into keeping the lust levels licked.”
The study is said to have “peaked into the bedrooms of its 6,117 female members”. Meaning it’s nowhere near a true representation of the millions of women in the country.
Clinical Sexologist Dr Marlene Wasserman, who is known as Dr Eve, emphasized the following factors for a healthier sex life:
1. Importance of foreplay
“A lot of foreplay is about people being more connected with each other, especially in the digital era, which brings with it so much disconnection,” she said. “Physical foreplay is really important for connection and intimacy. One way they can do that is by spending more time touching, playing with and exploring each other, instead of just going for genital play,” she added.
2. Not being shy about letting your partner exactly what you want
“As you get more intimate with each other, you should be able to tell your partner exactly what turns you on and what doesn’t interest you. You could also send your partner an article on whatever stimulates you and tell them that this is something that resonates with you,” she said.
3. Letting your partner know when you are not satisfied in the bedroom
“We want to acknowledge first that it’s a really difficult thing to do, because people are uncomfortable talking about sexuality and about it to each other. If they do, it’s usually about wearing condoms and HIV status – we tend to have that as our primary conversation. We are just not trained to talk about pleasure,” she says. “For women, it’s even more difficult to take ownership of the fact that they deserve to have pleasure.”
4. Importance of the way in which you tell your partner you are not sexually satisfied
Dr Eve says that you need to start by complimenting your partner about how much you enjoy having sex with them, before revealing what would really get you to reach your climax. “You must introduce it in a way that will not be seen as criticism. The worst thing you can do is to criticize your partner or throw it out there during a conflict situation,” she says.
She adds that keeping silent or straying from your relationship because you don’t want to have the difficult conversation will only make matters worse.
Despite it not being a true representation of the women in South Africa due to its sample size this notion of dissatisfaction among the country’s women seems to be a recurring theme.
In 2014 Columinate Survey Company, in partnership with condom manufacturer Durex, conducted a Women’s Sexual Wellbeing survey in an attempt to understand how urban South African women feel about their sexual well-being.
The survey was conducted with 1000 sexually active women, older than 18 years. Most were in a stable relationship, either married or cohabitating while 17% were single and nearly all (94%) were heterosexual.
The results showed that not only were women not satisfied when it comes to their sex lives, but also had worryingly low self-esteem – a possible contributor to the low satisfaction levels.
When it came to women’s perceived physical satisfaction only one in four (25%) of women rarely experienced an orgasm, leaving a solid 45% of women almost always climaxing. And, an overwhelming number of respondents (43%) rated a better experience with their partner.
According to the survey, while the overwhelming majority of South Africans were having sex less than once or twice a week, interestingly, those who were having sex most commonly used the male condom as a form of protection.
Other interesting findings included:
– While 77% of women agreed that it is acceptable for women to masturbate, only 41% of women actually masturbate.
– 61% of women felt they cannot live out their sexuality freely in South Africa
Online South African twitter chimed in on the results and reactions did not disappoint.